Regrets and Penance

I have done a lot of wrong things in my life. Spent some time being a not so good person occasionally. I think if the wrong things lead you to be a better person than it all happened for a reason. We all have regrets. My regrets when I was younger were self fulfilling. Kind of like.. If I had done this then these things would be better for ME.. Now that I am older my regrets are more about how the things I did affected the people around me. That has become my biggest regret. I can say that I am not a hypocrite but I do now sometimes think I am an expert and give my opinion freely.( Please just nod and agree. ) Anyway Live with your heart and live by God!! It pays off. Although I still wish my kids could have the equality that I never had I am thankful they have the parents I always wanted ( no offense Gladys and Earl.. I appreciate all the love and that is why I am who I am. )and always wanted to be. Another regret for earlier years that I have made up for with actions and not words!

Lets share some family stories

I know many people believe they live in dysfunctional families but let me just say that if awards were given for dysfunctionality in families I would win hands down! In my world my ex husband has a relationship with my parents and I don't. Let me be clear when I say that this may be just one example of why I don't speak to my mother. I would give the laundry list but I am not writing a book today. I was just outside helping Mitch pack his car up for college when he told me that he had lunch with his dad, stepmom and siblings last weekend at his grandparents house (and not his dads parents.) Don't get me wrong I am glad for Mitch that he sees all of them but at that moment it never became more clear to me that I truly made the right decision when I disowned my mother and reclaimed my values. Also let me state that as of late I have been struggling and reevaluating our current status after she reached out to me, wondering if maybe this time she actually had changed. How does it go " a leopard doesn't change its spots." Maybe one day I will actually put down all the sordid  details of my life on paper. Also I will for the record state that there have been times of happiness with my mother but I also over looked a lot of the obvious to achieve that. Also there isn't hate in my veins, sometimes jealousy when others are sharing times together as a family but I AM AT PEACE! I no longer care about the lies that are spoken so she feels better about herself. I love living the truth. The truth that I will always love her and truly harbor no resentment anymore. I have forgiveness in my heart and soul. Only my forgiveness also includes forgiving myself for what will never be again. 
Since we all live with some dysfuntionality I encourage you to comment on the blog page. Write it out and see others stories.